I think it is pretty safe to say that Fall kicks gratuitous amounts of rear end.   Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware of some of the pitfalls of this time of year. The first of which is allergies, anyone who has lived in Louisville their whole lives (as I have) learns to take this kind of stuff in stride. As inevitable as the sun appearing and disappearing over the horizon daily, allergies are going to occur in Louisville. However this detracts from my initial point.
 

Fall is awesome! First off it takes Louisville out of the realm of absurdly ridiculous humidity. Summer in Louisville can be a nightmare for those of us who sweat at the mere mention of the word “heat.” Add into that equation going out to the range and you have a formula for dehydration on your hands.  The cool weather associated with this time of year makes all sorts of outdoor activity possible and in my mind even more enjoyable. Obviously I like it for shooting purposes but it also is awesome for watching football! Being at a game on a cool Friday night is awesome! Of course it is also awesome to go to a game in nearly subzero temperatures but you quickly lose the interest of most of your companions at that point.

Next we have the fact that the leaves changing color is, for lack of a better term, pretty damn beautiful. Of course I know I mentioned football already, but it is so awesome that it gets mentioned twice and frankly will probably get its own entry at some point.

Also you have 2 of the best holidays of the year, Halloween (Samhain) and Thanksgiving. Halloween because, well just because that’s why. Thanksgiving rocks on so many levels.

1)      Football

2)      No shopping or gifts outside of food.

3)      Food and lots of it. I love the week following thanksgiving with my folks. Lasagna and turkey leftover is SWEEET!!!!

4)      Did I mention football?

These are some of many reasons why Fall is awesome!

This is something I had thought about writing off and on and initially decided that it was not the best of ideas, but for some reason this time around I feel like a glutton for punishment. So here is my personal top 10 list of Capital Ships from science fiction shows/movies. Unlike the original Top 10 list I made (the one with the fighters) I initially only wanted to have 1 ship class from each source, however in the end I realized that in most cases there were a number of ships that deserved mention from the same series. I did cap it at two ships per source mostly because I could have easily just populated it with ships from one or two series. The problem with that though is that I won’t get my other sci-fi geek friends as irritated with me if it consists wholly of Star Trek or Babylon 5 ships.  It should also be noted however that I am not comparing capabilities and armaments here really. This ranking system is wholly arbitrary and is based entirely on my own biases, so if you have a problem with this then feel free to argue with me even if you are wrong.  I may make mention of them but at the same time you really cannot compare them, especially when you look at the liberties many different continuities take with physics. So here goes the list:

Honorable Mention:

There were a number of ships that I hated to leave off of here, but unfortunately I really couldn’t justify most of them considering the 2 ship limit per source that I placed on myself.

Cylon Basestar; Battlestar Galactica (re-imagined series) Some might not be fond of it, but I really feel as though it is a unique and interesting style of ship. Partially organic and autonomous with an interesting operational use. Capable of rotating on its axis and heavily armed with numerous squadrons of Cylon Raiders (434 Raiders in total) it makes a formidable opponent. It doesn’t make the top 10 list for me for a couple reasons, but mostly because I don’t think it is quite cool enough.


 

Galaxy and Sovereign Class Starships; Star Trek- I know that I will likely get lambasted by some for leaving the Galaxy out of my top 10 but since I had 2 from that series already I really couldn’t put either of them in the Top 10. The Galaxy is an amazing ship and though some disagree with me I like the Sovereign as well, but even though both incarnations of the Enterprise are cool ships, I really couldn’t include them in the list for a few reasons. You will see as I go on.

     
 

D7 Class Klingon Crusier; Star Trek- I really am not too fond of it but I know that many people are and as such I had to at least place this on here.  In essence it is a Bird of Prey with a sombrero, but it isn’t half bad. Olay!

 



I would further mention many Babylon 5 ships that didn't make the cut here, but to be entirely honest I feel like it would take me too long. Babylon 5 had too many cool looking designs and it isn't worth the time to make anymore honorable mentions.

So here is the Top 10:

10. Midway Class Heavy Carrier – Wing Commander

                This is one that many people would have never heard of at all. Even people who have played the Wing Commander series of games are probably not very familiar with this one, however I feel as though it gets style points that most of the ships from the remainder of the series lack. It was a brand new class of ship meant for operating without support and behind enemy lines for extended tours of duty. The TCS Midway itself in Wing Commander 5 gave an excellent accounting of itself considering it staved of the initial invasion of those bug creature things that I can’t remember the name of. It also looked pretty damned cool considering the series had a history of having big boxes with holes at one end or the other as the Capital Ships. I know that many fans of the Wing Commander series would probably have preferred I go with the Bengal class or something like that, but I just don’t think it has the same impact as this one. So here we go at Number 10.

9. Mercury Class Battlestar; Battlestar Galactica(re-imagined series)


 

 The class of the Battlestar Pegasus, it is the only one of its class throughout the series to avoid the Cylon “off switch” that allowed the Cylon Holocaust to happen. Following its amazing luck at avoiding destruction it went on a series of offensive strikes at any Cylon force it could find. After uniting with Galactica later in the series it was instrumental in many an offensive and defensive action by the fleet and sacrificed itself in order to allow humanity to survive and in the process destroyed 3 Cylon Basestars during its final engagement.  A top of the line Battlestar of the fleet, it carries 10 squadrons of 20 Vipers and contains facilities to allow the manufacture of additional fighters if it has the resources.  At 1800 meters long it is a beast of a ship.  Sharing the basic layout of the Galactica itself it launches and receives fighters and small craft in identical fashion. The only notable difference is that each flight pod is double leveled, meaning it can launch and receive twice as many fighters as the older model battlestars. Were it not for the fact that it lasts less than a full season of the show it would probably have made it much higher on this list.

8) McKenna Class Battleship –Battletech

This is one that I had to put some serious thought into before I actually put it in here. I don’t think that many people have heard of this one who aren’t big fans of Battletech, in fact I can think of maybe 1 person who reads this that might know what it is. That said; given its specifications and the mystique with which it is held in the fiction that surrounds it there should be no doubt as to why it is here.  The McKenna is considered the ultimate in Battletech weaponry with its 2 kilometer length, along with its ridiculous armament (which I am not going to mention simply because it would be gibberish to most people), fighter complement and dropship capabilities it is hard not to put it here.

7) U.S.S. Saratoga is an SCVN (Space Carrier Vehicle Nuclear) of the John F. Kennedy Class—Space Above and Beyond

This is one that holds an interesting place. The show that it was on didn’t last too long and were it not for a few loyal fans it would likely have been forgotten. Taking all of that into account this ship was as iconic to the series as the SA-43 Hammerhead fighters that it carried. A massive ship with numerous weapons and offensive/defensive capabilities it is really an interesting step in science fiction action/drama shows. Considering the fact that it likely predated Babylon 5, it is a good step on the path of attempting a semblance of realism in science fiction.




 

6) Shadow Cruiser- Babylon 5

These things are freaky. The ships of the Shadows were unlike anything else out there when the show was on the air. These cruisers were nearly unstoppable organic creations that could tear apart enemy ships with their massive weapon with minimal effort. Add into that their ability to soak up massive amounts of damage and how they “phased” into and out of normal space it was an intimidating sight. It is pretty easy to see why many races in Babylon 5 had it in their minds that these things were demons of a sort in the early stages of their evolution considering how ancient the Shadows and their ships were.  While I know that some people who are fans of the show will say that the Vorlons were just as intimidating, I contend that the Shadows had an unpredictability to them and their ships just straight up look meaner.    :D 

5)   D'deridex class Warbird- Star Trek



 

The Romulans know how to go in style! Massive ship, extremely powerful and capable of cloaking I don’t see how it could be left off of this list. That’s essentially all I have to say about it. I just think it kicks so much ass it pushes out the Galaxy and Sovereign on this list. :P

4)   Galactica Class Battlestar –Battlestar Galactica


 

Probably not the official class of the Galactica from the new series, but there are no references anywhere that I can find to indicate what its class is so that is what I am calling it. One of the original 12 battlestars to represent each colony of man during the first Cylon War, the Galactica makes its way up to 4 on this list for a couple reasons.

 The first and foremost is the fact that I think it looks cool, and I like how they went about handling its weapons when they re-imagined the series.  It uses multipurpose guns that can be used as flak or direct anti-ship weapons and it also has something unique about that I absolutely love. Due to the fact that the Cylons, being cybernetic life forms, are capable of infiltrating and compromising a computer network the Galactica and her 11 sister ships were build with non networked computers and as little in the way of automation as possible. As such the level of technology for their computers are likely not that much different than our current computers. It is the old, throwback feel of this ship that makes it stand out in my mind and as such it is number 4 on my list. 

3) Omega Class Destroyer-Babylon 5

This is a unique style of ship that was really iconic (in a sense) of the Earth Alliance ships in Babylon 5. Very utilitarian and somewhat believable as far as how it is designed. Equipped with 24 Starfuries and numerous point defense weapons it is an excellent and durable design. Seen quite regularly in Babylon 5 in seasons 3-5(even though 5 sucked) it was a ship to fear for all except the oldest of races, it was durable and frankly due to its size it has a degree of intimidation factor going for it as well. I advise anyone who doesn’t like Babylon 5 to at least watch the episode Severed Dreams and you will get an excellent idea of what I am talking about.

 

2) Imperial Class Star Destroyer –Star Wars

I may get some grief for this because outside of its technical capabilities most people would think it is a piece of crap. Since in Star Wars the only time you ever really see one kicking much in the way of ass is when it is taking the Tantive IV to task at the beg inning of A New Hope it is relatively easy to dismiss. I will say however that it is intimidating, iconic, unforgettable and in truth it is a devastatingly powerful design. Tons of weapons, masses of T.I.E. fighters, a huge complement of infantry and ground support ships make the Imperial class Star Destroyer a foe to fear. Except of course taking into account its massive “Shoot Here” sign near its bridge (its shield generators) and its easy access bridge. Even so it is an imposing ship with few weaknesses. It is just that its weaknesses are glaring and huge.

1) Constitution Class Starship- Star Trek

As much as I personally prefer many other designs on this list I really cannot justifiably place anything else here in the number 1 spot. The Constitution Class Starship (or Heavy Cruiser depending on which fluff you read) is the most iconic ship in all of Science Fiction. Don’t know what the Constitution Class is? Think NCC-1701…not ringing a bell yet? How does Kirk sound? Yes, that’s right it is the class of starship that the USS Enterprise falls into. The ship that has left its impact on every single other Federation Starship that appeared in all of Star Trek is what tops this list. There are others that are more powerful and there are others that are bigger but none have the lasting impact of the Enterprise. When most people think of science fiction, they think Star Trek. And which ship has appeared in as many movies or show episodes? Seriously, the Enterprise appears in 6 films and numerous TV shows. Not to mention fan films, fan fiction and Direct TV commercials. I guess you could say that it appears in 7 movies if you count the new movie, but I am not sure if it can be considered a Constitution class ship (or if JJ Abrams even got around to indentifying it). Even so it cannot readily be contested that any other ship deserves number 1 here.  Except maybe Commando Cody’s ship, complete with its female crewmate to cook who might one day be allowed to vote (MST3K inside joke here I am not sexist).

There is a place in St. Matthews that transcends cultures...

There is a place in St. Matthews that appeals to all…

There is a place in St. Matthews that nurtures the soul…

There is a place in St. Matthews that is completely freaking awesome…

This place, this magnificent bastion of the wonders of humanity is Plehn’s Bakery. I am not entirely sure that words can encompass all the awesomeness that this place entails, but I shall do my best.

 Consistently in business since 1924 Plehn’s is an icon of St. Matthews. Anyone who grew up in this area has so many wonderful memories of this amazing bakery. Plehn’s has seen U.S. 60 go from a dirt road to the blacktop that now makes up Shelbyville Road today. A brief glance around the space inside reveals walls full of “Reader’s Choice Awards” from the Louisville Eccentric Observer and even more prestigious the “Best of Louisville” awards that adorn the walls. Any stop in Plehn’s  on a Saturday or Sunday morning shows just how popular the place is; people taking numbers and lined up nearly out the door.

The fact that it has managed to stay in business, uninterrupted, for over 80 years speaks volumes about its quality. Especially considering the additions made by places like Kroger and Walmart in regards to their so-called “bakeries.”  Plehn’s has set a standard of quality not often found in purveyors of confectionary delights. From their cakes, to their cookies, to their ice cream, to the marvels of their unmatched doughnuts Plehn’s is a dream come true.

My friends that have been around me during any kind of consumption of doughnuts should well know my bias. Plehn’s has so spoiled me that I cannot eat anything from Krispy Kreme unless I am near starving. Let me put it this way, Plehn’s is the kind of burger place you see on Man v Food and Krispy Kreme is McDonalds. The difference is that I think that gulf in regards to Plehn’s and Krispy Kreme is even wider.

Anyone that reads this who is not in Louisville and makes a visit here owes it to their soul to visit Plehn’s Bakery. It is AWESOME!!

The days of Wolfenstein 3D, Rise of the Triad, Megarace, Redneck Rampage, Kings Quest, Space Quest, Police Quest, Monkey Island, You Don't Know Jack, Skyroads, Prince of Persia and all sorts of random crap that people threw together and put on shareware disks! Yeah, remember Shareware?

That shit was fucking awesome! Of course it was largely awesome because we didn't know any better, but that makes it half the fun when looking back on it!

Take the intro to Megarace for example, it is bad...I mean really bad, but back then it was the shit.



 

[

Current Mood

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irate

]

My soul is wounded…

Van Helsing

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Battlefield Earth

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

All of the Star Wars Prequels

These films are all bad movies; I don’t think anyone with a semi-functional brain would disagree with me on this matter. However I must say that watching ALL OF THEM IN ONE DAY would be a more enjoyable experience than what I watched this day. I don’t think I have ever watched a movie that has had such disembodied malevolence directed so forcefully upon my mind, body and soul as did this tragic…thing. The atrocity that I am speaking of is Batman and Robin.

Dear heaven, I didn’t know!! I was coerced by Ryan and Jack, they said “Hey let’s watch a rifftrack of it! It will be fun.” I still would have preferred Iron Man’s but I thought, why not? Let’s be a sport about it then, eh? What was I thinking? Why did I not heed the Nostalgia Critic’s warnings? How did this horrendous soul crushing film break me? At the end of this movie I was thinking “Flyboys wasn’t so bad.” WHAT DID IT DO TO ME?!?!? This inhuman device of torture is a blight upon all that is pure, good, noble and not fucked up in this world!

I know not what it was specifically that did it, all I know is that by the end of the movie I likely would have killed those in the room with me had I not been laughing maniacally in a fetal position on the couch.  I am not B-movie weakling. I own freaking Van Damme movies, I have braved B-Movies that most balk at. I own Robot Wars, Robot Jox and Arena for Christ’s sake! But this movie, this lovechild between Josef Mengele, Joel Schumacher, Hitler, Pol Pot and Himmler bored a hole in my soul so deep I do not know when or how I will recover.

In fact, before I allow the night to creep up upon me I fear I may give birth to a disembodied doppelganger of pure hate. A doppelganger that will stop at nothing to punish those unrepentant for this film. Clooney having publicly apologized for it gets a free pass here, not unlike the Israelites who spread the lamb’s blood on their doors on the night of Passover. I struggle to keep this out of my mind, for I know not where it could lead.

You know what be awesome here? My life before this movie. You never know how good life is until your soul is destroyed.

This week’s installment is something that just occurred to me recently and was brought home yesterday packaged as nicely as can be. NOT DRIVING IN OHIO is awesome! 

An old friend once told me “Ohio is the birthplace of all road construction,” and having driven to Dayton, Cincinnati and Columbus on a number of occasions I cannot deny the legitimacy of this statement. The roads there are in a constant state of destruction, reconstruction and shitification in Ohio, so I can’t call shenanigans on that one. I would add however that Ohio drivers are genetically different and functionally retarded.

 I can’t make such blanket statements however without qualifying them. I admit that I live in a state where people think that turn signals are those nifty lights on the sides of the car that they aren’t entirely sure what to do with. I understand that and acknowledge it, however we tend to at least look in the lane we are about to enter before trying to do it. I have been to Ohio three times this year and on 4 occasions I have had a car nearly hit me because they tried to merge without looking. Once with Alex and Tom on the way back from Dayton. Once on the way back from Columbus with Courtney and her family. TWICE yesterday when going to and from Burbank’s.  Of course this also explains why they have accidents with so much fucking frequency.

 Yesterday Courtney and I were heading up I-75 to go to Burbank’s around 3-3:30 and in the opposing direction there was an accident, backing up traffic on both sides of the interstate for miles. Around 4:30 on the way BACK down the interstate there were two more accidents we saw on the way to Kentucky. One accident on the other side of the interstate (again) and a second one on the southbound side of the interstate.

 This of course begs the question as to why their driving is so unequivocally horrible. An answer postulated on the return trip from Dayton back in March is probably the closest to the truth. Ohions have this strange perception of the laws of physics and matter. They believe, for some reason, that they actually cannot hit another car. The rationale there is that the laws of reality do not apply and that they think that they can actually phase through other cars, in essence causing no harm and maintaining the direction they were heading in. The biggest problem with their steadfast belief in this concept is that IT IS FUCKING WRONG!!!! To be fair I cannot necessarily say I am surprised that they believe such illusions, after all they have this strange illusion regarding Skyline Chili being quality food there as well.

 In conclusion, NOT driving in Ohio is awesome.

According to your answers, the political group that agrees with you most is...

LIBERTARIANS support maximum liberty in both personal and

economic matters. They advocate a much smaller government; one

that is limited to protecting individuals from coercion and violence.

Libertarians tend to embrace individual responsibility, oppose

government bureaucracy and taxes, promote private charity, tolerate

diverse lifestyles, support the free market, and defend civil liberties.

I forgot to add to my previous post that those men who cannot grow significant amounts of facial hair have diminished potential for awesomeness.

Women are of course excluded from this rule because women who can grow significant amounts of facial hair are scary.

Today we are going to cover something that not everyone will find awesome. However I find that if you don’t think it is awesome then you probably ought to go the Egon route and try to drill a hole through your head.

 Today’s thing that is just inherently awesome is facial hair. Be it a beard, goatee, mustache, flavor-savor or massive mutton chops, facial hair is just awesome? Why is it awesome? Because, you unusually thick person, it is manly and well awesome.

 Awesome men throughout history have had beards and other facial hair accoutrements, be they a goatee or the English Mustache all have rocked. Even less then reputable men have tried to co-opt the power of facial hair to serve their own ends. Adenoid Hinkle’s real life counterpart being the perfect example of someone falsely harnessing the power of facial hair, however it proved that the facial hair knew madness and was largely responsible for his defeat.

 
Let’s take a look at some awesome men with facial hair:

 

Gandalf




Lincoln



Moses



Soda Popinski



Santa

Sir Henry Rawlinson




Ambrose Burnside

 


Kaiser Wilhelm II



Von Kaiser



Will Riker

All of these men are awesome, largely because their facial hair allowed them to be so. For instance, William Riker without facial hair < Riker with facial hair. The man is much more awesome when he has facial hair, which more or less settles the argument if you ask me.

Facial Hair is awesome, plain and simple.
 

I, at one time, had planned on doing one massive post on as I said above “Things that just be awesome.” The grammatical error inherent in the title was necessary to attain the proper scene. That said, I have decided to make this a weekly thing. Not just because I want to make sure I keep posting things, but also because I don’t think I have the stamina required to sit down and type out an absurdly long post entailing everything that I think is awesome.  At the same time I find that I might end up leaving something out or not doing it full justice if I lump it in with everything else, so to be fair to all that which is awesome I must separate them out. 

Today I start with something that is nearly universal in its appreciation and clear awesomeness: Music.

I want to be clear in this that I am not specifically saying any particular genre of music is more awesome than any other, with the possible exception of Classical being superior to all, because we all have our preferences and it comes down to what we love. I am not here to say that one is better because what is the best to me may not be the best to you or the best to your cousin.  I am here to celebrate music in and of itself.

Music is one of those things that can universally affect people emotionally. Why? I have no bloody clue, I am not a psychologist. What else can make you laugh, cry, happy, sad, angry, incite you to violence or make you want to hold the one you love as effectively as music?  Shoot I can think of an example of my own of wanting to hurt someone on account of a song. Every time I hear Imagine by John Lennon I want to punch someone. I can’t stand that song because I consider it idealistic drivel. Some people may look at that song entirely differently than I do. In fact I would wager outside of 3 other people I know that most people do.  That doesn’t make it inherently right or wrong, just an example of what music can do.

How many people have hear d some song out of nowhere and been taken back to another place in time? I can think of many an occasion where all of a sudden my mind takes me back to when I first heard a song or something that I associated with that song comes to mind. A song can remind you of people, places; of things here now or things long since passed.

 Music is universally awesome, plain and simple.